Some years ago, someone said “There’ll be a black man in the White House when pigs fly”. Sure enough, 100 days into Obama’s presidency … Swine Flu!
September 16, 2008
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.
‘You all have obsessions,’ he observed.
To the first mother, Mary, he said, ‘You are obsessed with eating. You’ve even named your daughter Candy.’
He turned to the second Mom, Ann: ‘Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child’s name, Penny.’
He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: ‘Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child’s name, Brandy.’
At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, ‘Come on, Dick, we’re leaving. Your brothers Peter and Willy are waiting for us.’
August 15, 2008
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
“Good morning,” said the young man. “If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.”
“Go away!” said the old lady. “I haven’t got any money! I’m broke!” and she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed wide open. “Don’t be too hasty!” he said. “Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.” And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure on to her hallway carpet.
“If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.”
The old lady stepped back and said, “Well I hope you’ve got a damned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning. What part of broke do you not understand?”
August 11, 2008
Class IV Beverage Alert for this one, folks:
Think you’re looking good? Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, surely I can’t look that old? Well you’ll love this one.
I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name.
Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30-odd years ago.
Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?
Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought.
This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School .
‘Yes. Yes, I did. I’m a Mustang,’ he gleamed with pride.
‘When did you graduate?’ i asked.
He answered, ‘in 1975. Why do you ask?’
‘You were in my class!’, I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely.
Then, that ugly,
‘What did you teach???’