The Washington Post’s invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. From this year’s 2005 winners:

Ignoranus (n): A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.

Intaxication (n): Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

Karmageddon (n): It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

Glibido (n): All talk and no action.

Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter, when they come at you rapidly.

Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

Also published were the winning submissions in which readers supplied alternate meanings for common words. Excerpts include:

Esplanade (v.): to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Flatulence (n.): emergency vehicle that picks you up after you
are run over by a steamroller.

Rectitude (n.): the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

Pokemon (n): a Rastafarian proctologist.

Oyster (n.): a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

Frisbeetarianism (n.): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.