roadrage.gifI was riding to work this morning when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing the driver to swerve onto the shoulder to avoid hitting her. This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out of his window and gave the woman the finger.

“Man, that guy is stupid,” I thought to myself. I always smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a woman does anything to me in traffic, and here’s why:

I drive 48 miles each way to work every day; that 96 miles each day. Of these, 16 miles each way (32 miles total) are bumper-to-bumper. Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8-lane highway. There are 7 cars every 50 feet for that 32 miles, times 8 lanes, which works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

Even though the remaining 32 miles each way are not bumper to bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4,000 cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass every day. Statistically, females drive half of these. That’s 18,000 women drivers!

In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS. That’s 642 of those I pass each day. According to Cosmopolitan magazine, 70% of females describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding. That’s 449. According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide. That’s 98. According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons, and the number is increasing daily.

That means that every day, I drive past at least one woman who has a lousy love life, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed.

Giver her the finger?…I don’t think so!

(By the way, 34% of women consider men to be their biggest problem. You guys should add that to the list above.)