Those of you not in the mood for a rant, stop reading now.  I’m so angry I could spit.

First, some quick background.  The county in which I live, (Lee County, North Carolina), sends out separate tax bills for real property and personal property.  For those of you unfamiliar with this particular form of extortion, personal property such as cars, boats, trailers, and even livestock are taxed in North Carolina.  It’s not enough that you pay sales tax when you buy them, and use tax when you register them; you have to pay personal property tax JUST FOR THE PRIVILEGE OF OWNING THEM.

But I digress.  In late August, I received three tax bills from Lee County:  one for my car (personal property); one for my house (a double-wide mobile home, also considered to be personal property despite having the wheels and tongue removed, and being permanently attached to a brick foundation…another rant for another day); and one for my land (real property).

Taxes on personal property are due on or before October 1; after that date they accrue interest and penalties at a rate that can only be called usury.  Taxes on real property are due on or before January 5; ditto for the penalties and interest.

In order to simplify matters for the bimbos who work at the tax department, I sat down and wrote three separate checks, each for the amount of one of the bills.  On each check, I indicated the account number (all different, why is beyond me) and the invoice number of the bill I was paying.  I detached the perforated remittance advice from the bottom of each bill, paper-clipped it to the check that was to pay it, and then I screwed up.  I put all three checks into the same envelope, and mailed them together.

Yesterday, I received statements in the mail from my friends, the bimbos.  The statement for the account taxing my real property shows a rather large credit balance … seems I won’t have to pay real property taxes for a couple of years.  The statements for the two accounts taxing my personal property, on the other hand, are both showing as PAST DUE, and have accrued INTEREST and PENALTIES, accordingly.

What do I have to do?  Draw them a fucking PICTURE?  Tomorrow is Columbus Day, aka bimbo’s day off, so I won’t be able to do anything until Tuesday.  I will attempt to clear this up on Tuesday over the phone.  I swear, if I have to take time off of work to go down there and teach these idiots how to fucking READ, heads will roll.

Three checks.  Three remittance stubs.  Three accounts.  That’s not hard, is it?

Stupid bimbos.