Laws of the Natural Universe

It's been one of those weeks so I thought this would be an appropriate post.

Being the former Mrs. Murphy, as well as Murphy's Mother, I've always been a believer in MURPHY'S LAWS; Therefore, I have followed up the "Laws of the Natural Universe" with "Murphy's Corrollaries" where applicable.

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you will have to pee.

Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi: If you tell your boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will actually have a flat tire.

Variation Law: If youchange lines at the supermarket or change lanes in traffic, the one you were in before will start to move faster than the one you are in now. Murphy's Corrollary: The other line always moves faster.

Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring. Murphy's Corrollary: Though the phone won't necessarily ring every time you're on the toilet, every time the phone rings, you'll be on the toilet.

Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine doesn't work, it will. Murphy's Corrollary: Any broken appliance or automobile, when demonstrated for the repairman, will work perfectly.

Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Theater Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle will arrive last.

Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down with a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Law of Lockers: If there only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Dirty Rugs: The chance of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down is directly proportional to the newness/cost of the carpet.

Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.

Bruno Maldi's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Gossip's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Law of Natural Selection: As soon as you find a product you really like, they will stop making it. Murphy's Corrollary: As soon as you find a TV show that you really enjoy, they will cancel it or put it on opposite the only other TV show you really enjoy.

Murphy was an optimist.

A Smith & Wesson beats four Aces.

Don't mess with Mrs. Murphy.